Old friends & new ‘Mummy’ friends: because chatting over a coffee is cheaper than a therapist…

I’m good at being on my own, I always have been. Growing up as an only child in a small village: I needed to enjoy my own company & for the most part, I did. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends & I did see them regularly, but I didn’t rely upon them. As clichéd as it sounds, my Mum was my best friend & I was more than happy with that. Now, as I’m older, married & have very sadly lost my wonderful Mum, my husband Tim has taken on this role of being my Bestie. Lucky him! I know, more vom-inducing clichés! I love to talk to him about everything really & I’m sure an outsider would think we were absolute nutters if they heard even half of our eclectic topics of conversation. However sometimes, just sometimes, you need another perspective, another point of view, a female take on a situation & that’s when I start messaging ‘my squad’! I hate this expression, almost as much as I hate the term ‘Mummy friends’ if I’m being completely honest. When I was childless, this phrase used to make me physically shudder. I’m not sure why, but probably because it sounded like a secret exclusive club, that at the time, I never thought I would be in.

I was more than happy with the friends I had before Benjamin was born. My small circle was made up of: my oldest, dearest College friend, my fab holiday companion (from an eventful trip to India a few yeas ago) & two of my wonderful previous work colleagues. A couple of them were Mummies already; so I would ask them for advice if Google couldn’t supply the answer I was looking for. I thought no more friends were needed. I didn’t want to have to talk about myself ‘from scratch’ – akin to dating all over again. I was reluctant to attend Antenatal Classes & I remember Tim having to practically force me out the door to go to Baby Groups in the beginning. But as I look back over the last six months, I’ve realised that I have made three more close friends: two of them being much coveted ‘Mummy friends’ & one of them being my super neighbour, whom I never really knew until Benjamin was born. It always makes me smile that, in a crowded room, you can be drawn towards just one or two people & on some level they are drawn towards you – for reasons unknown at the time. This happened with my new pals…

Tim & I were sat in said Antenatal class, learning about breathing techniques, birth plans (lols!), pain relief & breastfeeding guidance with about ten other couples. We were easily in the top three of the eldest parents, no surprise there. After our visualisations, squeezing a knitted boobie & pulling plastic babies out of replica pelvises each week we were starving; so headed straight for the nearest Golden Arches to satisfy my Fillet O’ Fish craving at the time. We weren’t the only ones with the same idea, our new friends Alison & Richard had shared our thoughts. And that’s how we met. We have the same views on the same topics; including parenting values & we have had spookily similar life experiences. They are such easy-going & caring people, we could both listen to them for hours. Maybe our subconscious knew we would make great friends & we’ve stayed in touch ever since & I am sure that we always will. I love it that Benjamin has a little ‘girlfriend’ already in Amelia (he’s not allowed to date anyone else though. Ever.) And I also love the time that we all spend together. You know there’s a strong rapport when conversation is effortless. It can’t be the first friendship to have formed over a shared love of Maccy D’s sweet & sour sauce, surely?!

I met my second new close friend initially at one of the Baby Groups (that Tim had managed to persuade me to go to back in the early days). It was your standard: plastic toys scattered on the floor affair, large beanbags around the edge for the non-mobile babies (where I had positioned a sleeping Benjamin) & lots of cold tea/coffee for the stressed new Mummies who hadn’t slept the night before. Two ladies approached me & after the usual “hello, how old is your little one? Yes, he’s a big lad: his Daddy is 6’2” etc. etc.” I was asked, “Are you Tim Green’s wife?” They were both in the same year as him at school. This isn’t the first time that this has happened to me: it’s a small village & he was clearly a friendly boy?! I’m just praying that I won’t get asked, “Are you Benjamin Green’s Mum?” later on for similar reasons! Anyway, we had a lovely chat together & I thought no more of it. I didn’t go back to the group for a couple of weeks & didn’t ask for names/numbers. Then, one sweltering August morning I decided to take the boy for a walk – quite early because we were experiencing a massive heat wave & keeping Benjamin cool was a constant worry. That’s when I bumped into Claire. Again, we had much in common & we’ve been ‘baby group buddies’ & good friends ever since. I love her quick thinking & sound advice. I also love the little friendship that Albert & Benjamin have struck up already.

My new neighbour friend, Laura, came over one day to pick up a parcel (one of the ‘perks’ of maternity leave, you get to be a mini Post Office) & heard Benjamin grumbling, so we invited her in. He loves her cuddles & fuss (because Mumma & Daddy clearly don’t give him enough attention!) And we all love our new friendship. The four of us: her boyfriend Adam & Tim, have had many a night putting the world to rights over a bottle of bubbles, complete with baby monitor turned up extra loud.

I guess the point of my blog post is that I’ve realised that there is always room for more friends. Each friend has different qualities; different life experiences to draw from & can support you in different ways. I guess I’ve always known this. I’ve needed advice, guidance & reassurance over the last few weeks & I’ve known which friends (old & new) to turn to. They have made themselves available & have kept me sane. Many cuppas have been drunk & I can’t thank them enough, they are all superstars & I hope I can be there for them when they need a listening ear. I also hope I can show Benjamin the importance of friendship, being friendly & ultimately knowing who to trust. Although the latter is incredibly tricky even as an adult.

I can’t wait for Benjamin to grow up with Amelia & Albert. I really hope they form part of his ‘squad’, his ‘go to’ people for sound advice & support, just like their fab Mummies are for me…well who else can he ask which are the tastiest rusks & best spot for his Cow & Gate elevenses?

“Yes Mumma, I’ve heard this a million times already!”

Benjamin & Amelia.

Benjamin & Albert.

Baby Sensory Class & Other Parallel Universes.

I’ve always loved the idea of sensory play…you know on a non-carpeted floor & preferably not in my own home: Benjamin being able to explore messiness to his heart’s content. I know it provides such wonderful experiences for babies & I’ve tried to create some sensory activities of my own. So imagine my delight when I realised that there are actual, dedicated classes for sensory development! Perfect. I signed Benjamin up as soon as I was able, did a sharp intake of breath when I paid for said classes, but was secretly excited for the boy & hoped it would give me more inspiration for home.

We’ve been going for two months now & I’ve got to say, these have been the most surreal eight weeks of my life & probably Benjamin’s too. We have had the standard bubbles, parachute, balloons & scarves, but sometimes I find myself ‘looking in’ on the situation, thinking ‘what on earth am I doing?’ For example, we were sat at a ‘Teddy Bears’ Picnic’ with plastic teacups, plates & food. Never would I have thought, that at aged 5 months, I’d be encouraging my son to feed his teddy a fake chilli pepper, while humming along to “If You go Down to The Woods Today” & drinking a cup of pretend tea: it’s not like he does this for himself yet. And would this really be his snack of choice whilst on a picnic? Last week, we were given beautiful rainbow Pride flag each & some multi-coloured ribbons on a stick to wave; whilst the babies were placed on a large air mattress covered in luminous fabric, listening to the UK’s 2007 Eurovision entry “Flying The Flag” by Scooch. Benjamin was not impressed; well it’s no “Dr. Jones” by Aqua is it? Anyway, we’ll carry on until Christmas & just hope that it’s having a positive effect on his senses. Well, where else can you chill out on a 70s sheepskin rug, chewing a monkey puppet, holding hands with your best mate, listening to the dulcet tones of Lionel Ritchie on a wet/windy November afternoon?!

This week brought another surreal situation, in the form of a ceramic café. It was a special, pre-Christmas baby event: decorating your own bauble or plate. After our previous home experiences of painting Benjamin’s hands & feet, I was already a little anxious about the whole thing. Last time, as mentioned on Facebook, we were all traumatised & he ended up looking like a diluted Smurf for a good few days afterwards. Anyway, I decided that his friend Albert should go first & we’d watch in preparation; just so the boy would know what to expect. He watched patiently, Albert did as he was asked perfectly & Benjamin giggled at seeing his friend being coated in brown & green paint. Then it was his turn. He didn’t want to play ball particularly. Yes he fluttered his ultra long eyelashes at the lovely ceramicist, he smiled & charmed; all in his usual way, but he was definitely not going to put his foot flat on the plate. It took a few attempts & the lady even washed down the plate, as it resembled more of a messy Brussels sprout than a ‘foot sleigh’. Eventually we got there though. The boys wanted lots of praise for their hard work – it’s such an exhausting task having someone do this for you don’t you know! And then they cried: Benjamin more loudly than Albert. Whilst he was squawking, the very patient lady went on to discuss the other products available & enthusiastically told us about their new ‘Bottom Print Snowman Plate’! (Which I’m hoping was just for the baby event?!) I kid you not. I didn’t even think this was a thing, apart from the fabled photocopying of your bum at an office party (& no I have never done this just for the record!) I couldn’t even imagine the process of trying to capture Benjamin’s derrière, let alone serving food from it. “Great Grandad, do have a delicious mince pie, don’t mind the interesting brown scarf & yellow snow, Benjamin created it all by himself!” Hmmm, yummy. Needless to say, we politely declined.

Overall, it has been a great week for firsts: He has stayed sat up, hands free, all by himself. I’m sure it was to try & impress his girlfriend Amelia, but whatever the incentive, we’re proud of him. He also sat at the table in his highchair, opposite his big sister Chloe whom he adores, watching us all eat our dinner. Although he didn’t join us for the homemade macaroni cheese, I’m sure it won’t be long. And right now, whilst I type, he’s having his first proper tantrum, all because I took his beloved helicopter out of his mouth while he was sleeping. I’m such a mean Mumma! Thank you for reading 🙂

Baby Sensory Class

Sitting up at the table for the first time!

All calm after the first tantrum!

Feeling Festive!

So in between being a Mumma & wife, I also love to craft. I don’t get to do as much as I used to, but when the boy is napping, I try to indulge in something creative: sewing, knitting & stitching are my top three!

Today, being one month till Christmas, *says in a ‘terribly British’ accent* “where has the year gone?” I decided to change his sensory light bulbs for something a little more seasonal. Also had a go at making a ‘Pat Mat’ to encourage his hands to be flat, rather than curled up & I have also finished his stocking. I’m so pleased with how it turned out in the end, as it’s exactly the same shape & size as Chloe & Josh’s; that I made them seven years ago, for their first Christmas with us. I felt quite emotional making one for Benjamin, as I never thought I would have my own child. So glad that I kept the template too, maybe my subconscious knew deep down that I’d need it again?

So here we are, my first ‘Show & Tell’. Benjamin seems to love his very first Christmas sensory play today. Hope you like my ideas…

“Scream if you want to go faster baby!”

Oh my goodness, I never thought Geri Halliwell would be referring to my rather vocal five-month-old son, when I heard her song all those years ago. Apparently, well according to my extensive Google searches at least, screeching, at a frequency that only bats & dogs should be able to hear, indicates that he could be an early talker. Oh good. This wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest; both his Daddy & I love to chat, so I’m fully expecting his first utterance to be a sentence, something along the lines of “Mumma, I would like my mashed avocado alfresco today!” The boy isn’t very physical, but he more than makes up for this in ‘chatting’ to his toys (can’t think where he gets that from?!) I often walk back into the lounge to find him getting cross with Matchstick Monkey because it refuses to talk back to him. I feel his pain. Anyway, the screeching has been getting progressively louder as the days have gone on; we’ve almost done a full week now. He wakes up at 5:45 each morning on the dot, happy & smiling: lulling us into a false sense of security that he may have forgotten his falsetto overnight. I swear he waits until he is the closest he can possibly be to my ear before he lets rip. He’s not in distress or pain: just trying to tell us that it’s a new day & he’s ready for his breakfast, or that he wants to change activity, or because he’s rediscovered the cat for the fifth time, or the day has a ‘y’ in it. We’ve tried a few techniques to try to stop this becoming a habit: ignoring it, using a firm tone, saying “no thank you to that noise Benjamin!” & over praising him when he ‘talks nicely’. None seem to have the desired effect for very long. So yesterday, a wet, misty & cold Tuesday afternoon, I decided to throw caution to the wind & thought we’d venture to “Under Fives Rhyme Time” at our local LIBRARY. What could possibly go wrong: screaming baby with studious people trying to read or research, no problem! Well actually nothing did go wrong really & thankfully we weren’t asked to leave by a strict librarian. In fact, Benjamin was more engaged & alert than he is during some of the paid classes I take him to each week. Typical. I’d mentally prepared myself & with a full face of make up (just for extra an confidence boost) I went into battle. I hate this sort of ‘Mummy Meet’ thing & try to avoid them at all costs. It is literally like the first day of school all over again, but this time with an excitable baby who could shatter glass at any given moment in tow. We were quickly introduced to another Mummy, who had apparently done her first week last Tuesday & as she hadn’t made the established clique yet, the librarian concluded that we had common ground & my best match. My Step Children would call us ‘noobs’ & they would be right. Anyway, I’m not sure whether it was the battered laminated song sheets, the baby next to us repeatedly vomiting, the rusty hand bells, or just the huge psychedelic Ouija board-esque rug that we were all sat around that completely entranced Benjamin. But whatever it was I’m grateful to it, he’s barely felt the need to scream since, however today he’s started to move his mouth; in a similar style to that of a frantic goldfish (with no sound at all) as if he’s now trying to get us to lip-read instead. It’s literally gone from one extreme to another! Oh well, back to Google I go…

Welcome dear readers, thank you for stopping by!

Let me introduce myself & my blog. I am Lucy…I’m 39 & have recently become a Mumma for the first (& definitely the very last!) time in June of this year. My little boy is called Benjamin & we live on the South Coast of England with his Daddy (my husband) Tim, along with a grumpy, elderly cat called Merlin (who is actually a girl). We also share our home with Tim’s two other children, Chloe & Josh, who stay with us regularly. Sounds a bit like a non-traditional version of the Usbourne Book series, “This is Apple Tree Farm. This is Mrs. Boot, the farmer. She has two children Poppy & Sam, & a dog called Rusty.” Don’t panic, I won’t start all my posts like this. I promise.

I guess my idea for the blog name came from my delightful & rather copious pregnancy notes. It was the very first thing that was recorded about me when the doctor saw my age: ‘geriatric mother’ was scrawled across the first page. It stuck with me. Sounds awful doesn’t it? The phrase itself almost shouts, “So why have you left it this late lady?” It’s cold, impersonal & downright rude, as if I’m too old to fulfill my maternal responsibilities & have to be monitored closely; which I wasn’t until the end of my pregnancy. I will talk about my reasons for late motherhood in another post, but for now, my primary intention for this blog is to record my family’s adventures together, as a lasting time capsule if you will, & ultimately for Benjamin to cringe over when he’s older. I initially started detailing some of our escapades on my personal Facebook page, when one of my closest friends suggested I write a book & that she would even consider buying it, well maybe, if it was on a special offer. I was inspired & this is my first step in the process & I hope you like it. Also, I thought the term ‘Mumma’ was much more friendly & fun rather than ‘Mother’, so in my eyes, I created my very own oxymoron by combining the two terms. So now you know the reason behind the name & why I’m doing it. I will always try to keep things light-hearted, often unintentionally funny & hopefully relatable. I’d love to read your comments & feedback of your own adventures in parenting. Essentially, I’d like to know I’m not the only one going through these things alone, regardless of my age. I hope you enjoy a little insight into my life…

Me & my boy. October 2018